


Begin Again

by Tattoos_and_Freckles



Category: Red Dead Redemption
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arthurs horse has it out for you, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Flirting, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Innocence, Memory Loss, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, Spoilers, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-08-24 10:17:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16638035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tattoos_and_Freckles/pseuds/Tattoos_and_Freckles
Summary: “Yeah, that’s my girl.” Arthur praised. The young women felt her cheeks redden and she couldn’t understand why. She suddenly found the ground very interesting to look at.“W-well I...” She trailed off, not able to finish her sentence since she found herself distracted by the warm, tingling feeling in her belly.“Easy there girl, it’s only a scratch.” Wait. She looked up and watched as Arthur ran his hand up and down the horse’s lean neck, swatting at the flies when they got too close to the open wound. Oh. He hadn’t been talking to her.I wish he talked to me like he did to his horse, she thought.





	1. She cant remember

Her right arm throbbed painfully and when she went to move it, it flared with new pain. At first she dismissed it. Even with her mind somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness; she concluded that she must have slept on it funny during the night. She continued to ignore the pain, thinking it would eventually go away-but it wasn’t. And the longer time dragged on, she knew something was very, very wrong. Her eyes snapped open and then instantly shut them when the bright sunshine above her was too much. Wait. She was...outside? She jolted forward, the pain now dulled by the adrenaline pumping in her veins. She tried opening her eyes again, squinting slightly for a moment before her eyes opened fully.  Oh. The young women staggered to her feet, heart pounded painfully against her rib cage. Trees and scrubs surrounded her. The air was thick making it very difficult to breathe and she was now aware that her whole body was sticky and damp from sweat. Where was she? Why was she here, out in the wilderness and not in her home?

_I...can’t remember_

Her eyes began to burn so she roughly ground the heel of her palm against them, teeth grinding in sheer frustration as she willed herself to remember what had happened. But when she tried to seek the answers she was looking for in her mind, her memories slipped away.

She choked on her own saliva.

She couldn’t remember. She couldn’t remember anything! The muscles around her throat tightened making it very hard to swallow or even breathe and the trees around her began to spin. What had happened to her?

“I-I don’t remember!” She choked out. Saying it out loud only made it worse because no one answered her. The only sound she could hear was the soft rustling of the leaves and branches as they swayed in the wind. She was alone.

_For now_

She reassured herself that she would find someone that could help her and provide answers. Like where was she? What day was it? The time? And most importantly, who was she? A shiver ran down her spine. What ever...or whoever did this to her had caused a lot of trauma if she couldn’t even remember who she was. She slowly turned around on the spot, taking in her surroundings from all directions. Trees, nothing but trees and scrubs as far as her eyes could see. She calmed her breathing and slowly felt the panic leave her. Freaking out in the middle of nowhere would not help her. She needed to be calm and collected so that she could think clearly.

Pain shot up the young woman’s arm and she took a sharp intake of air. Looking down at it, she pulled the long sleeve back with shaking finger to assess how bad it was. She could see no wound or blood but it was badly bruised. Angry blue and yellow blotches covered her olive skin. She wondered how it happened but her mind was blank. She had no memory of what had happened. She clutched her sore arm closer to her chest to provide it with support as she started walking forward. She had no idea if this was the right direction- whether this would take her closer or farther away from civilisation. The young women tried not to over think her decision- or else she would be wandering in circles.

 .

The wildlife was breathtaking. Little birds sung above her head and she even saw a doe leap over a fallen tree a feet away from her. With no memory to fall on, it felt like she was seeing the world with new eyes. With no concept of time, she wasn’t sure how long she had been wondering the forest. Eventually though, the trees began to thin out and she found herself standing in the middle of a small clearing.  Without the trees blocking out the sun, the grass and flowers around her thrived. She bent down, and with her good arm picked out some of the yellows flowers. They were very pretty she decided.

_I like yellow_

She stored that information for later and took a sniff of the flowers. Not only did they look pretty, they smelt nice too! As the wind picked up, she caught the scent of something else as well. It didn’t smell as nice as the flowers and it tickled the back of her throat. It was...familiar. Flowers in hand, she shielded her eyes from the sun. That’s when she saw it-past the trees she could see puffs of black smoke.

“Fire.” She said the word without even thinking.

_Fire meant people...right?_

Right she confirmed. She began to jog in the direction of the smoke but slowed down to a walk when the motion jolted her arm. She couldn’t wait to finally talk to someone! If they were kind, they would surely help her. But if they weren’t? What if they had something to with what happened to her? Have they...already hurt her and she just didn’t know? God she had to get her breathing under control or else she would faint.

_I’ll have a look_

She decided it wouldn’t hurt to look first before approaching whoever else was out here. The closer she got, she found her movements becoming slower, each step calculated and taking extra caution to avoid the scattered leaves on the dirt. She needed to be quiet. She crouched behind a tree and peaked around it. There were tents surrounding the fire. On the left she could see horses tied further away from the camp. She could just make out three black clad figures- one was sitting on a chair; an item which seemed so out of place for the outdoors- while the other two were standing near the washing line. She couldn’t see their faces; the hats obscured their identity but...she knew...she knew they were men. She couldn’t understand what they were saying but she could hear them; their voices were deep and masculine. She was about to step out from behind the tree when she heard a loud bang. She cried out, the noise ringing loudly in her ears and making her head _ache_. One of the men had pulled out a gun and was waving it around while the other two laughed. They hadn’t seen her and for that she was relieved. The young woman was in danger and she needed to leave. Now.

“Well, well looky what we got here.” Came a voice from behind her. She whipped her head around and found herself staring at a pair of worn, leather boots. Slowly she looked up until she was staring at another black clad man, the only bright colour being the green cloth around his neck. Even this close, the dark hat obscured most of his face. Swallowing thickly she urged herself to speak.

“I-I-ah!” She cried out when he grabbed her by the arm. Instinctively she went to pull her sore arm away but his grip on her was strong and his fingers were digging painfully into the bruises. The terrified women raised her foot, adrenaline flooding through her system, as the heel of her boot connected with his shin. He threw his head back and _laughed._ The sound was just as terrifying as the gun. Her lungs constricted and felt nausea rise in her stomach but forced it down. She just needed to be calm-

He was dragging her in the direction of the camp. No. Please. Her vision blurred slightly and something warm and wet began trickling down her cheek before sliding onto her lips. The woman’s tongue darted out, tasting the salty liquid. She had made a terrible, terrible mistake. He shoved her at the feet of the man sitting in the wooden chair.

“Aw shucks, are they for me sweetheart?” She hadn’t even realised she was still holding onto the flowers until he snatched them from her shaking hand. He raised the flowers to his face before he took a deep breath. “Oh these just smell divine.” She was breathing heavier now, and when she inhaled and exhaled she could hear herself wheezing. Everything was spinning, their voices too loud and the sun too bright. She closed her eyes, waiting for the nauseas feeling to go away.

“Where did you find her?”

“Just outside of camp, we’ll be having fun tonight with this lovely lady to keep us company.”

"No." The young woman croaked weakly. She was horrified how weak she sounded. She did not think her situation could have gotten any worse until now. “I am leaving.”

“Oh no you aint.” She flinched when she felt one of their hands paw roughly through her hair.

“Where’s the rest of her hair...and what's with these clothes? You sure she a woman?” When he pulled at her short, dark strands she jerked her head away only for the back of his hand to connect with her cheek. The pain came quickly and she was too shocked to cry out. She made sure to stay perfectly still when he began patting her head.

“A quick learner...I like that.” The man sitting in front of her said as he gave the terrified woman a sly smile. There was a distant bang and then the man sitting in front of her was flying backwards and onto the ground. Blood erupted from his chest-

_And God help her_

She felt some of it splatter onto her face. Her throat tightened making it impossible for her to scream as she covered her eyes. She was suddenly jerked back into reality when she felt something fall onto her. Peaking through trembling fingers she reached behind her and ripped the make shift closing line off her. Not only was she covered in his blood but now she had his pants on her person! She felt so...violated. Ignoring the aching pain in her arm, she crawled quickly over the fallen man’s body-

_I'm sorry I'msorryI'msosorry_

And towards the crate on the far side of the make shift camp _._ Bullets where flying from all directions so she wanted to stay as close as she could to the ground to reduce the risk of being shot. She scrambled behind the wooden crate, running her hands over her person to ensure that she was OK and that she hadn’t been shot. And to her relief she had come out of it without even a scratch.

_Just a slap_

Everything was quiet now. There were no more gunshots or shouting, just her heavy breathing seemed to be the only sound. They had been shot at, meaning someone else was here. She covered her mouth to muffle her breathing as a quiet noise hit her ears. She peered over the wooden crate, looking around anxiously to find the source. Her knees were starting to protest at crouching for such a long time but all she could do was wait. She heard him before she saw him.

“Shit, is that all of you?” He stepped from behind a tent. His presence was...dangerous, the way he walked around the camp- lifting one of the fallen men forward and pocketing something shiny-something that reflected off the sun above them-into his bag. She couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine when he dropped the lifeless body. He obviously had no respect for the dead. This man was also wearing a hat-

_What is with these hats? Was I meant to be wearing a hat as well?_

Although she couldn't see his facial features she could distinguish that he had a beard. He was better dressed than the other men as well; he wore a long tan and black coat with fur surrounding the collar. She had come to the conclusion that these men had stolen something from him or maybe betrayed him? Although was it worth shooting someone over? She  _really_   had no idea. All she knew was that this man was dangerous-

_He had rifles strapped to his back for Gods sake_

And she wasn't going to make the same mistake again. she waited for him to turn his back to her before she made a run for it. 

"Hey!" 

She cursed under breath. She hadn't been quiet enough! She was quick to dodge around the trees and just ran through the bushes.

"Come back here!" He hollered. She had to get away, she refused to be caught again. She looked over her shoulder to see how close he was-

And collided with something warm and solid. The air from her lungs was knocked out of her and she bounced off of the solid form and landed on her back. Whatever she had run into was obviously just as startled as it let out a cry of its own. She jolted upright, coughing and spluttering and looked up to see that she had in fact run into a white coated horse. 

_How could she have missed that?_

"Ow" She moaned. God she was in agony now. She scrambled to her feet when the sound of him approaching reached her ears. Instinctively she reached for the horse as support when her vision began to blur but the creature side stepped away from her and she stumbled forward; she was quick to catch herself although it had been a close call. 

_I deserved that_

Irked that she had her back to him, she whipped around to face him just as he appeared from the undergrowth- pistol drawn and aimed in her direction. Oh God. She was staring death in the face. She was suddenly aware that she was wheezing, she tried to control it but it was too difficult, her lungs were desperate for sweet oxygen. She wanted to live. She didn't want to die! His hat was gone so she could clearly see his face...he looked...surprised. Eyebrows raised and eyes widening as he looked her up and down; taking in her disheveled appearance. But she found that her attention was mostly focused on the gun pointed in her general direction. 

"T-they w-were going t-to...I'm not with  _them_." She felt like she needed to let him know that she was not affiliated with those men. She had been at the wrong place at the wrong time. "I'm n-not sure whether to t-thank you or...o-or." She was a blubbering mess. She stumbled back when he took another tentative step towards her.

" _Please_." She bit down on her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. His reaction was instant; he lowered his weapon so that the gun was aimed at the ground while he raised his other arm, hand spread out.

"Now miss, I mean you no harm." His voice was rough but so smooth at the same time. She didn't even know how that was possible. She was tempted to call him a liar but she didn't know how that would end for her. She stepped back- away from him- but he was quick to mirror her. Now that he was only a few feet away from her; she could see his face even more clearly now. His blonde hair was slicked back, she made eye contact with him and found that they were blue, while yellow rimmed his iris-

_They were stunning_

His face was flushed, cheeks peppered with freckles and his lips-from what she could tell since the beard obscured the lower part of his face-were full. 

“Now just-" She felt something brush against her arm and the spell was broken. She bolted. And this time she made sure to _run around_ the horse instead of into it.


	2. Her name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you to everyone who left a kudos or comment <3

The dishevelled women let out a groan as she leaned against a tree. Sliding down, she felt the shirt ridge up; bark lightly scraping the lower part of her back as she sat down in the dirt. She didn’t know what to do and it was going to get dark soon! Who knows what else was in these woods- she had already encountered men and didn’t want to hang around to find out what else could possibly kill her out here. Moving forward was no longer an option for her.  After running away from the blonde haired man, she had found herself at the edge of a cliff; looking down at the forest beneath her, dark mountains in the distance coated white...that’s when her situation really hit her. She was literally in the middle of nowhere.

_Or I’ve gone in the wrong direction_

She banged her head against the tree behind her and instantly regretted it when her vision began to blur. She was just so angry at herself. She would have to retrace her steps she decided- back to the camp those men had set up. It was risky but she was left with no other options. She couldn’t stay out here, body exposed to the elements. She needed food, water and shelter. She hadn't seen food or water but there were tents.

_It’s not like anyone’s using them now_

.

She pressed her injured arm close to her chest as she jogged through the undergrowth; eyes darting left and right looking for any danger and praying that she was actually going in the right direction. She really didn’t trust her memory right now- it seemed to be the cause of all the trouble and pain that had befallen her so far but she felt like she had no choice and that this was her best...if only option. She had never felt so hopeless-

_That I can remember_

She wanted to slap herself silly.

The sun was starting to set; the sky tinted a soft pink while a gush of cold wind tousled her short, dark hair. She shivered; she was cold now...she couldn’t even imagine what it would be like when it was finally dark.  She slowed down so that she could catch her breath and found that her surroundings didn’t look familiar. At all.

_Of course it wouldn’t look familiar idiot; you’re surrounded by indistinguishable trees and scrubs_

With trembling hands, she clawed at her scalp; tugging relentlessly at her hair.

And screamed.

She didn’t stop until her voice was hoarse and she was sure she was blue in the face from lack of oxygen. She wanted to go home. She wanted her family. She wanted her memories back God damn it all. Something howled in the distance, returning her cry of anguish. The creature sounded just as lonely as she felt. And then there was another howl- closer to her this time.

_It was never alone_

She looked around wildly; there was nowhere to hide from this kind of monster. They could outrun her. Smell her. She jogged over to the nearest tree; reached up for a low hanging branch-

_And missed_

The young woman let out a cry of frustration before she searched for another tree.  

 _That one!_ Her mind screamed.

She reached up and grabbed hold of the lowest branch; ignoring the pain in her arm she dragged her body up and over the branch.  Legs dangling, she lifted one leg up and over the branch so that she was straddling it. She prayed it would hold her or else she would be a snack on a stick. Now that she was a few feet off the ground, she had a better view of what was coming. They weaved through the trees with ease, for a moment, she hoped that because they couldn’t see her that they would run straight past her but instead they threw themselves at the base of the tree and lunged up towards her.

“Shit!” The word escaped through her lips without thinking.

_Remember they can smell you_

Holding tightly to a branch above her with her good arm, she pressed her back firmly into the base of the tree. Another large wolf stalked through the undergrowth, ears pressed firmly against their skull and lips pulled back in a sinister snarl.

“Go away!” She snapped off a small, thin branch and threw it at the wolf circling the base of the tree. “ _Bad dog!”_ She scowled. They didn’t even flinch. God what was wrong with her.

The sun had disappeared over the horizon and she was left in the dark. Although she couldn’t see them, she could hear their teeth gnashing together making a terrible 'snap,' 'snap' noise. She swallowed thickly as disbelief and fear consumed her. She was doomed. A flickering light caught her attention. At first, she thought it may be her mind playing tricks on her- honestly it wouldn't surprise her at this point- but it started coming closer and then she heard the unmistakable sound of hooves beating down on the earth. There was a loud bang and then a sickening, cracking noise that had her wanting to empty her stomach. One of the wolves let out a strangled cry while another snarled. She hunched over and pressed her chest firmly against the branch in order to make herself as small as possible. The lantern jostled in their hand; reflecting off the metal of their gun. There was another bang and the snarling abruptly stopped.

“Easy there girl.” The voice drawled as the horse let out a loud breathy wine. They raised the lantern and looked up at her underneath the brim of their hat. Oh. It was _him_. She let out a hiss when she looked directly into the light.

“Er, you gonna come down now miss?”

She felt her shoulders tense, nails digging painfully into bark. She didn’t trust her voice so she shook her head. He lowered the lantern, shadows casting over one side of his face; an orange glint in his eyes. She didn’t know if she could trust him, even though he had saved her, whether that was intentional or by chance she was very weary of him. She had seen what this man was capable of.

“So...what your just gonna stay up there?”

Well if she was being honest...

“I-I don’t t-think I can get down.” She clenched her fist to stop her sore arm from shaking but it wasn’t working. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, she was aware of the pain and had a terrible headache. He let out a sigh and gave his horse a nudge so that he was directly underneath her. He hooked the lantern on a branch close to him and raised his arms up towards her. Her eyes narrowed from his out stretched hands to his face. What.

“Well,” he drawled, wiggling his gloved fingers. “Come on then.” She must have been pulling a face because he let out a long sigh.

“Miss I ain’t gonna lie to you, I am a bad man. But I ain’t like them.”

“You a gentleman?” She couldn't help but scoff. He shrugged, arms lowering slightly.

“Sometimes...maybe.”

_Well that sounds genuine_

“So you won’t hurt me?” She didn’t mean to say the words out loud but they escaped from her parted lips. She had a feeling that she was being silly but she want-no _needed_ the validation. The reassurance. Ever since she had woken up all she had known was pain, panic and uncertainty. Being reassured was...was a necessity for her right now- among other things of course. She didn’t know if that was the best way to describe what she was feeling but she felt as if she had been deprived of it for so long she...

“Of course not miss...?” He trailed off. She grimaced when she realised what he was hinting.

“I-I don’t know.” She whispered. “I don’t remember... _anything_. J-Just woke up alone-until those awful men found me!” Her voice rising in volume she continued. “They...t-they...”  

He was looking at anything but her now. If she didn't know better, she would think he was uncomfortable.

“Well miss...It’s okay now.” His voice was low and hoarse.

“The _y took_ my flowers.” She spat, bristling at the memory her mind provided. He raised his eyebrows at her but she dismissed his shocked reaction. He wouldn’t understand. She had the feeling that he was used to taking things rather than the other way around. She met his eyes, unyielding. She leaned back slightly on the branch and a small part of her died inside when the branch began to protest under her weight. 

"Miss..." He eyed the branch wearily. For a split second, she thought about dismissing him and continue to find the deserted camp but realised how foolish that would be.

_But accepting his help was also very risky_

 

Damn it all. She very slowly swung her leg over the branch, hesitated for a moment and then leaned down towards him. His gloved hands in cased hers, the leather soft and warm against her skin. He leaned back in the saddle, gently guiding her forward but tensed when she felt as if she was going to fall. He gave her hands a reassuring squeeze.

“Put your hands on my shoulders and lean forward.” She let out a small noise in the back of her throat but did she did as he instructed, grabbing a fistful of leather as he placed his hands firmly on her waist and pulled her down towards him.

“Oof!” She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck, face burying into the furs surrounding the collar of his coat as she sat sideways in the horse’s saddle.

“There we go, that wasn’t too bad was it?” Now that she was pressed so close to him she could feel the words rumbling in his chest and the heat his body was providing-God she didn’t realise how cold she was. She shivered.  

“Now just swing your leg over.” She unwrapped her arms from around his neck, ducking her head so that she wouldn’t have to make eye contact with him and raised her leg over the horse’s neck so that she was sitting in the saddle properly. He shifted slightly from behind, the front of his chest pressing firmly against her back and handed her the lantern.

“So...does Strawberry sound familiar to you?”

“Like the fruit?”

“ _Christ_.”


	3. Where she came from

Although she had no concept of time, she knew they had been on horseback for more than an hour. She couldn’t feel anything from the waist down and her back was aching because she refused to lean back into the man behind her. He hadn’t done anything to her person that would concern her; both his hands remained in front of her steering the horse but she was still uncomfortable and utterly exhausted. She was really struggling to stay awake. She looked down at the shadows the lantern cast; his was tall and very intimidating while her shadow looked...small. He was a stranger to her; honestly it felt like she was breaking some kind of rule by conversing and accepting a ride from him. Maybe if she could get to know him, it wouldn’t be so scary to her she decided.

“Can I ask what your name is?” He was silent for a moment and then-

“Arthur.”

“Arthur.” She muttered under her breath. Saying it out loud would it make it easier for her mind to remember the name.

“I...I would tell you mine but...”

“Yeah,” he dragged out the word. “You can’t remember.” He sounded skeptical; she really couldn’t blame him considering the circumstances.       

“Do you....” her voice trailed off. She suddenly felt nervous; hands wringing together. “Do you know where we are?”

“Northwest of Strawberry.” Oh, so that’s why he had asked if she had known where Strawberry was. She closed her eyes and willed her mind to remember. She was sure she would at least remember the town for its odd choice in name but her mind could not provide a memory for her. She grimaced and rubbed her forehead, nails digging into the skin slightly when she felt something warm and wet on the tip of her fingers. Opening her eyes, she pulled her hand back and lowered it to the lantern to see-

_Blood_

She took a sharp intake of air and rubbed her fingers together; the friction causing the blood to dry. She had a head injury?

_Well that would explain the memory loss_

“And don’t forget the headache.” She slurred, brows furrowing together. Arthur jerked back on the reigns and they came to a halt just as she started to slump over the horse. His arm wrapped itself under her breast as he tugged the lantern from her hand. She didn’t have the energy to keep her head up anymore so she tucked her chin close to her chest. She was just _so tired_. He pulled her back towards him, the motion causing her head to roll back and rest against his shoulder. A small part of her cringed at the sudden contact but she found that she really didn’t have the strength to pull away from him. Her eyes fluttered open-

_When had I closed them?_

And looked up at Martha-

“No...no its Arthur.” The woman moaned. She reached out to touch her temple but he grasped her hand and forced her fingers to curl around a glass flask. 

“Here. Drink this.” She grimaced at the thought of eating or drinking anything. She had been starving before but the thought of ingesting anything now made her stomach churn. Confused, she raised the flask but couldn’t raise it any further without the contents spilling over her person; her hand wouldn’t stop trembling. His hand covered hers and squeezed as he helped guide the flask to her lips but she turned her head away as it dawned on her that she didn’t know what the liquid was. He was insistent, pressing the tip of the flask firmly against her lips, and when she felt the liquid dribble down her chin he would just wipe it away. She tugged weakly at his jacket sleeve as she looked up at him; pleading with her eyes for him to stop as she was too scared to open her mouth in case the content spilled into her mouth.

“God’s sake woman.” Arthur grunted. She buried her face into his jacket and inhaled deeply through her nose; the smell of gun powder and burning leaves filling her senses.

“It’s just a health tonic; it will make you feel better.” He prompted. She sniffled and stared up at him through her lashes. He met her gaze and let out a heavy sigh, his breath warm against her face. Arthur took the flask from her hand and took a swing of the supposed health tonic. Her eyes lowered to his neck and watched his Adams apple bob up and down. Meeting her gaze once more, he raised the health tonic as she parted her lips and took a tentative sip. It tasted overly sweet but it did soothe her dry throat and sent a warm tingling feeling throughout her body. She took another sip. She also seemed...less disorientated and found that her thoughts were clearer than they had been a few minutes ago.

_He...hadn’t been lying to me_

She felt her face burn with embarrassment and lowered her gaze to the ground as she took the health tonic from his hand; now that she was no longer shaking she felt that she was confident to hold it without his help. She leaned forward when she suddenly became aware how close she was to him.

“Thank you...Arthur.”

“It’s okay.”

.

The moon was radiant tonight, silver light spilled over the grass and trees giving it a beautiful illuminating glow. They had finally stopped and made camp. Arthur was setting up the tent while she sat close to the fire, fiddling with the empty glass flask. If Arthur could take her to the nearest town maybe someone would be able to recognise her- possibly her mum or father she concluded. She gripped the flask tightly. God she couldn’t even put a face or name to her parents...or siblings. What if...what if she didn’t even have any family? She couldn’t remember. She couldn’t remember anything prior to waking up-

“You done with that?” His gruff voice came from above her. Looking up at him, she handed him the glass flask and watched with wide eyes as he threw the flask over his shoulder. The horse didn’t even flinch as it smashed against the fallen tree it was tied to. She...had the feeling he did that often. She jumped, startled, when something warm and heavy land on her shoulders. She blinked and looked down to see that he had given her a dusky coat. She gripped the edges of the coat and lay down on her side; tucking her knees close to her chest. He loomed over her for a moment before he turned and sat near the tent opposite from her. She stared into the fire, watching with half lidded eyes as the flames swayed in the gentle breeze-

There was a horrible ringing in her ears and her throat was awfully dry. She wondered fleetingly where the sound was coming from when it finally dawned on her that it was coming from her.

She was screaming.

She thrashed wildly when she felt hands on her person. The coat, which had provided her protection from the weather now felt like it was suffocating her, and she tried desperately to free herself. She heard a grunt as her elbow connected with something solid.

“Hey!” The voice was so familiar to her. They were strong as they grabbed hold of her arms and pushed her roughly down into the ground. When she finally remembered the name-

_Arthur_

Her entire body began to shake as panic seized her. Oh God. She should never have trusted him-

“It’s okay, shh...” He soothed. Her eyes snapped open immediately and found Arthur leaning over her. Light from the fire illuminated his face; eyebrows drawn together, lips set in a firm line and his hair, which was once slicked back, hung loosely over his creased forehead. His hands ran up and down her arms as she stared up at him, gasping for air.

“Just a nightmare.” He reassured her. She didn’t even realise she had fallen asleep. She was finding it difficult to breathe while laying flat on her back; he must have seen her struggling because he placed his hands under her arms and lifted her forward.

“Your safe now, just try to breathe. It’s okay.” A hand began to pat her back as she coughed and spluttered.  She knew his touch was meant to provide comfort, but couldn’t help but flinch each time his hand made contact with her person.

“I-I thought...” She hiccuped. She wiped her face with the back of her sleeve to rid of the tears. She didn’t even know when she had started crying.

“I know.” Arthur murmured. He squeezed her shoulder briefly before he knelt down beside her. She watched as he rummaged through his coat pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. He popped one in his mouth and offered the packet to her. She hesitated for a moment, but then decided to accept his offer. She plucked a single cigarette and placed it between her trembling lips as he crossed his leg over his thigh, running a match stick across the bottom of his boot. A flame flickered to life and he raised it to the end of his cigarette. Smoke puffed lazily from the end and he adjusted the cigarette in his mouth so that it hung slightly from the corner of his mouth.

“Take a deep breath.” She did as he instructed as he covered the little flame with his hand and raised it to the end of her cigarette. Smoke filled her senses and she quickly took the cigarette out of her mouth as she wheezed.

“Yeah,” He huffed, blowing out the match stick. “I didn’t take you for a smoker, but it will help to take the edge off.”

It must have been early morning because the sky was turning a dusty pink and she could see the edges of the sun peak over the treetops. She brought the cigarette to her lips and inhaled the smoke a few times before passing it to Arthur to finish off. She had to admit, she did feel more relaxed and a little light-headed. She turned to him and unabashedly stared at him. His eyes met hers; unwavering and so intense that her surroundings blurred and all she could see was his eyes.  

_Thank you_

“Don’t worry bout it kid.”

.

“Stop!”

She covered her mouth as she felt bile rise in the back of her throat. Arthur slowed his mount to a walk as she swung her leg over its lean neck; landing in the grass on her hands and knees as she emptied her stomach. God, she knew she shouldn’t have eaten the rabbit.

“Ugh.” She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “How much further until we reach Strawberry?”

“Not long now.” He replied from above her.  She let out a moan and rubbed her temple.

“Come on.” Arthur prompted. She hastily wiped her hand on the side of her jeans and accepted his hand as he helped her settle back into the saddle. White puffy clouds were scattered across the sky, the sun shining brightly over their heads as Arthur steered his mount through the undergrowth. True to his word, the dirt path led them to a town nestled in the snowy mountains beside a river. She looked up at the wooden sign with wide, curious eyes. In white bold writing it read; WELCOME TO STRAWBERRY. 

"That's a fine looking horse you got there, sir." A stranger on his mount drawled, tipping his hat at Arthur as they passed underneath the sign. 

"Why thank you partner." Arthur replied. There were so many people around her and she could only stare in awe at a passing carriage; the lady in the back waved her paper fan at her and she felt her cheeks burn, waving back shyly. Arthur guided his horse in front of the row of shops and pulled back on the reigns when the horse positioned itself in front of a trough of water. She swung her leg up and over and slid out of the saddle. She instantly sunk into the mud and would of fallen flat on her face if Arthur hadn't grabbed her by the back of her collar. She stumbled forward, relief flooding through her when her feet connected with solid wood. Arthur dismounted the white steed and landed far gracefully than her; he didn't even slip as he trudged through the mud, tying the reigns to the post and following her up the wooden stairs. 

"So, anything look familiar to you?" He asked, waving his hand. She looked around, after surveying her surroundings she looked helplessly to Arthur.

"No." 

She tentatively touched her temple and winced when her fingers grazed a lump.

"My head is pounding." She moaned. Although the health tonic he had provided for her had helped her immensely, she was still finding it difficult to think clearly. He stared at her for a moment before he let out a sigh and gestured for her to follow him. 

"Come on then."

Arthur held the door for her as they entered into a building. It was nicely furnished and she was quick to wipe her boots on the mat once she realised there was carpet. She peaked behind him and over the counter to see a young lady sitting at a desk. 

"Can I help you?" She asked, placing her pen down. 

"Ma'am, we need a doctor." Arthur drawled as he leaned heavily over the counter. The receptionist smiled politely when her eyes landed on the dishevelled woman behind him and rung the bell to notify the doctor.

"Of course sir, just a moment."

Not long after a door down the hall opened and out stepped a nicely dressed gentleman who she assumed was the doctor. 

"Come in." He said, gesturing for them to enter. She began to walk towards him but stopped when she noticed Arthur wasn't following her.

"Aren't you coming?" She inquired, tilting her head to the side.

"Sure." He replied. They stepped into the doctors room and she sat on the edge of the patients chair while Arthur leaned against the door frame; arms crossed over his chest. 

"Now, whats wrong? How can I assist you?" The doctor inquired, dragging over a stool and portable table. She hesitated for a moment and then,

"I...I think I've hit my head." 

"Oh? Is that so?" He drawled as he took a seat on the stool and picked up a brass cylinder tube. Her brows furrowed together, wondering exactly what it was before before he pointed it at her and she was blinded by a bright light. She cried out and went to turn her head away but the doctor firmly held her chin and forced the light directly into her eyes again.

“Ma'am...do you know who you are? Your name?”

“No.” She whimpered. She let out a sigh of relief when the light disappeared, although she still felt slightly disorientated. She blinked several times as he brushed her hair to the side and prodded her forehead. She winced when he applied pressure.

"Can you tell me the date?"

“No.” 

“The time?” Her eyes quickly darted to the clock on the wall.

“Nine forty in the morning.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“Strawberry!” She stated proudly. _That_ she knew. The doctor raised an eyebrow and then slowly looked to Arthur, from her peripheral vision she saw Arthur shrug.

“Hmm.” The doctor hummed, leaning back in his chair. “She has a mild concussion and is showing symptoms of amnesia- obviously caused by the head trauma." His tone was light. 

“The memory loss...it’s temporary right?”

She didn’t want to raise her hopes in case-

“Honestly, it depends.” The doctor stated, “It can be acute or chronic. Something familiar may bring up past memories but only time will tell. Are you showing other symptoms?”

“I get headaches.”

“And she vomited on the way here.” Arthur added. She grimaced at the memory; she could still taste the bile.

“I don’t think you cooked that rabbit long enough.” She muttered as she rubbed her eye.

"Excuse me?" He shot her a withering look but she ignored it. 

“These symptoms are quite common. You'll just need plenty of rest my dear." The doctor reassured her as he swatted her hand away and then to Arthur he added, “Now for my payment...”

Arthur let out a heavy sigh-

_He seemed to be doing that a lot_

And stepped forward, handing him a few paper bills. He looked physically pained at the idea of parting with the money and she felt guilt fester in her heart. She promised herself then and there that she would find a way to repay him.

“Thank you for your services doctor.”

Arthur bid good day to the receptionist as they exited the clinic and stepped out into the main street of Strawberry. Arthur walked past her and towards where he had tied his mount. She looked around her; nothing looked familiar. She felt her shoulders sag in defeat. She knew no one and it appeared as though no one knew her.

“Hey kid,” Arthur called. “You coming or what?”

She felt her lips twitch to fight off a smile as her gaze landed on the cowboy.

_I was wrong_

She knew Arthur. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you so so much for all your support, comments and kudos <3 I didn’t think the story would become so popular! 
> 
> Anyone have any name ideas for Arthur's woman?


	4. She was loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS!  
> I will be following side quests and the main story line so you have been warned.

Arthur raised his face to the sky. The sun above him shone brightly and would only disappear for a few seconds when the clouds raced pass. They had been travelling by horse-back since early morning and had stopped to rest by the Dakota River. Arthur raised the cigarette to his lips and breathed in the smoke, flickering through the pages of his journal. After bailing Micah out of Strawberry jail a few days ago-

_What a God damn mess that turned out to be_

He had planned on travelling southwest of Valentine to visit the do-gooder as he owed Leopold Strauss money- Arthur’s thoughts were interrupted by soft feminine laughter. He snapped his journal shut and placed it back in his satchel as he gazed at the young woman standing several feet away from him.

_What do I with her?_

It was rare for a woman to wear men’s clothing; it’s why Arthur had assumed _he,_ who turned out to be a _she_ , was running with them O’Driscolls. But when Arthur’s gaze landed on her heaving chest and feminine features...he was suddenly very aware that he was facing a woman. Colm O’Drsicoll didn’t let woman run with the men, not unless they were harlots. He watched as she bent down, pulled on some grass and waved it at his mount. The white Arabian lowered its neck, nostrils flaring as she sniffed at the woman’s hand before flattening her ears against her skull and turned away. The young woman’s lips made a small ‘o’ and threw the grass away with a huff.

_And she ain’t no harlot_

“Christ.” He muttered under his breath. Although her appearance was that of a woman her mind was like that of a child. She was obviously touched in the head, hell, the doctor confirmed it. He ran a hand over his face before scratching at the side of his cheek. After visiting the good doctor he had checked the post office bulletin board- he was hoping there would be a missing poster with her face on it. But nobody had come forward to claim her. A young woman with no family looking for her was...concerning.

_Could take her back to the others..._

He was a wanted man, Arthur reminded himself and he didn’t get to decide who joined the gang- Dutch did. He dropped his cigarette in the dirt and crushed it with the heel of his boot as she walked up to him; hands hidden behind her back. She stood there, just looking up at him with those big green eyes, before raising a dainty hand to shield her face from the sun’s rays. She smiled, showing teeth and he had to lower his head so his hat would obscure his face when he felt his lips twitch. He was not a good man, at least not to the standards provided by the law, but he did not take advantage of disadvantaged civilians. Arthur had made sure to make that clear to her when he had found her in the woods.

“Arthur.”

He lifted his head slightly; now that her face wasn’t covered in blood and dirt, she looked so young and innocent...he felt like such a dirty old man- which wasn’t far from the truth considering he hadn't bathed in days and he was in his late thirties.   

“I just...w-well I wanted...” Her voice trailed off. Arthur blinked slowly and lowered his gaze to her hand, which was partially obscured behind her back. He noticed she was holding a bouquet of wild flowers and leaves.

_Isn’t that..._

“To say how grate- _”_ He lunged forward, smacking the flowers and leaves out of her grasp.

“Why did you do that for?” She cried, taking a step back but he quickly mirrored her. Arthur grabbed her by the elbow; leading her towards the river. She stumbled as she struggled to keep pace with his long strides.  

“ _Goddamn it_ that was poison Ivy.” His voice came out harsher than he intended. Water splashed up onto his boots as he stopped at the river bank, his feet sinking slightly into the sand. He loosened his grip when he felt her pull away- expecting her to wash her hands in the rushing water but all she did was stand there, looking at him with wide, curious eyes.

 _Jesus_  

He pointed at the rushing water.

“Well, what’re you waiting for? Wash your hands.” He snapped. She bent down and dipped both her hands in the water.

“Will I be okay?” She asked, scrubbing her hands.

“You’ll be fine,” and then muttering under his breath. “Probably get a nasty rash though.”

She looked up at him with a horrified expression; the colour draining from her face.

“You’ll be _fine_.” He reassured her, putting emphasis on the word. 

.

Arthur steered his horse towards a bridge which overlooked the ravine. Although they were high off the ground, she could still hear the river flowing below. 

“Stop there!” A masculine voice shouted. Two men stepped out from behind the wooden pillars from the far end of the bridge. She couldn’t see their faces as they were wearing masks. She heard Arthur curse under his breath.

“Keep your gun on him.” One of them ordered as the other aimed his weapon at them. Arthur pulled on the reigns and the horse came to a halt. She swallowed thickly, tongue darting out to moisten her dry, chapped lips as she tried to calm her frantic heart.

 “Whoo! Gotcha!” A voice hollered from behind. She flinched, digging her nails into her thigh as a masked man ran up and grabbed a hold of the horse’s halter. The horse let out a breathy wine, jerking her head up and down in distress.

 “Now if you wanna keep your heads,” The man yelled from the end of the bridge. “You folks best get down from that horse, okay?”

“Alright fellers. Let’s not do anything hasty.” Arthur's tone was light despite the dark situation. Her heart stuttered in her chest as panic finally seized her and felt adrenaline pulse through her veins. 

“Hands up! Up high!” Her hand formed into a fist. No. Not again. She raised her leg-

 “We got you no-” The masked man’s voice cut off as her boot connected with his skull. The adrenaline had provided her with strength. His head jerked back and he cried out in pain, letting go of the horses halter to clutch at his face. From her peripheral vision she watched, horrified, as Arthur quickly pulled out his pistol and aimed it at the man. The sound of the gun had her ears ringing and she quickly turned away; she didn’t want to witness the masked mans demise. Shots were fired from the end of the bridge and she lowered her upper body so that her chest was pressing firmly into the horse’s neck. She almost screamed out loud when Arthur spurred his mount on wards.

"Oh my God. Oh my God.” She chanted under her breath like a mantra as Arthur pulled out a lethal looking rifle from the side of the saddle and fired a few shots at the masked men. One collapsed onto the ground and lay there while the other tried to take cover in the trees.

“Colm taught you something.” Arthur muttered as he pulled back on the reigns, urging the horse to stop. He slid out of the saddle and fired a few warning shots into the trees. She quickly grabbed the horses reigns- she needed to hold onto something to steady her shaking hands. She was relieved to know that they hadn’t been robbed or harmed but this...she grimaced when Arthur walked over to the fallen body, jerking him forward and searching his pockets. Her eye’s followed the way the masked man’s head rolled back, taking notice of the blood seeping from beneath his shirt. This was wrong. What Arthur was doing was wrong. Killing these men and taking their possessions was _so very_ _wrong_. She just knew that it was. He was a very dangerous man, she reminded herself. He strapped the rifle to his back and lifted the dead body over his broad shoulder; then threw him into some bushes.

_And very powerful_

He walked-

_No_

Stalked towards her, and even with the sun bearing down on her, she felt a sudden chill go down her spine. Although she had started to become comfortable in his presence she was suddenly fearful of him. If he could take down three armed men, he could easily...

She swallowed thickly, not liking where her mind was taking her imagination. He strapped the rifle to the side of the saddle and placed his foot in the stirrup while one hand reached up and gripped the front of the saddle. He went to lift himself up onto the horse but froze when he raised his head; piercing blue eyes meeting hers. For a moment they stared at each other, neither saying anything. She cast her gaze to his closed fist and then back to his eyes. 

“Why.” Her voice quivered. He looked down, the hat obscuring his face.

“Well they won’t be using it no more. All I’m doing is redistributing this,” he waved the paper notes at her. “To folk who need it more than them now.” She wondered if that was the kind of money he had used to pay the good doctor back in Strawberry. She didn't know what to feel.

“Okay.”

She didn’t know what to say either. She shuffled back as Arthur lifted himself and settled into the saddle. She stared down at the pool of blood in the dirt.

“It’s us or them, kid.” He murmured.

Yes...that could have been her. That could be her blood staining the earth. Her body stashed in the bushes. But...maybe this is what happened to her before in the woods; they had tried to kill her, robbed her and then attempted to hide her body in the bushes. But she woke up.

She was alive.

She would survive.

_Us...or them_

.

Arthur hadn’t meant to expose her to such violence...but in order to survive in this world Arthur decided it was unavoidable.

_And necessary_

He didn’t know what kind of person she was prior to her trauma...but she was with him now. She best get used to it. From his peripheral vision he noticed a carriage rounding the corner and he suddenly remembered that he hadn’t disposed of the body on the bridge. They needed to go now, else he’d be a wanted man in the area-

“Hey there’s a body over here!”

“Shit.” He hissed under his breath. There were witnesses now. He looked over his shoulder to see a man on his mount heading towards them.

“It ain’t like that.” Arthur hollered. He needed to defuse the situation quickly.

“Oh I’ve got a good look at you now mister.” He drawled, pointing a finger at Arthur. By now the carriage had stopped in front of them. This was getting real messy. Arthur casually dropped his hand to his holster, fingers grazing the hilt of his pistol.

“P-please sir!” The young woman cried out from behind him, leaning slightly out of the saddle. “That horrible man tried to rob us!” Arthur was relieved when he noticed the man’s features soften at the woman’s distress.

“Ma’am-“ the stranger started to say but she began talking over him.

“They were wearing masks! _See?_ He pulled a gun on me- demanding we...we...” She was hysterical now.

Well, shit.

Arthur didn’t know if she was acting or if she was actually this distressed.

_Seemed fine before..._

The man seemed to think it was the latter because the stranger raised both his hands in surrender and began to fumble over his words.

“Well what’s going on?” The driver hollered from the carriage, the passenger peered out of the window; eyes darting from the hysterical woman to the stranger.

“I...w-well it seems I’ve made a mistake. My apologies ma'am.” He tipped his hat to them and steered his horse. The driver of the carriage let out a huff and drove past. They waited at the crossroads for a moment before Arthur urged his mount forward; running a soothing hand down her lean neck.

“You...you think he bought it?” The woman asked as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He felt his lips twitch.

“Oh sweetheart, you had _me_ fooled.”

.

Clouds hung low in the dark sky, thunder rumbling in the distance. She lowered her head and rested her cheek against the back of Arthur’s shoulder when she felt the first drop of rains fall onto her face. Although she was disappointed that she wasn’t from Strawberry, she was very hopeful about their next destination. God was she anxious to get to Valentine. Her thoughts were interrupted when Arthur jerked back on the reigns forcing the horse to stop. She let go of Arthur’s jacket as he slid out of the saddle. She scanned the area and noticed a rundown cabin hidden slightly in the trees and instantly tensed.

“Um...what are you doing?” She asked. His eyes met hers briefly before he pulled out a rifle from the side of saddle.

“Jus' gonna check it out.” He rasped. Arthur had only taken a few steps before he turned around and pointed at the ground.

“Stay.”

She kept her gaze on him as he began to make his way towards the cabin. She frowned when he opened the door and disappeared into the cabin. She gathered the reigns, twirling them between her fingers as she waited. The night sky was illuminated by bright, white light before the world was dark once more. Thunder rumbled in the distance and the longer Arthur took, the more anxious she was becoming. Her thoughts began to wonder some place dark. No shots had been fired...but what if he had been ambushed? She wiggled in the saddle and shook the reigns.

“Go.” The woman hissed. She gently nudged the horse with the heel of her boot; the horse turned its head back, ears pressed firmly against her skull.

And stared.

She instantly dropped the reigns and leaned back in the saddle.

_Fine be that way_

She swung her leg over the horse’s neck and slid out of the saddle. She just wanted to make sure Arthur was okay; if anything happened to him she wouldn’t know what to do...where to go...he was her only chance of surviving out in the forest and only _he_ knew how to get to Valentine. She hesitated, only for a moment, before she walked towards the cabin. The grass surrounding the cabin was long and un-kept. Now that she was closer, she noticed one of the windows was smashed, the chairs on the balcony upturned and there several empty glass bottles. She walked up the wooden steps and winced when the stairs creaked loudly. She wringed her hands together and peaked inside the cabin.

“Arthur.” She hissed. When she received no answer she stepped into the cabin, eyes narrowing slightly when she noticed a dark stain on the carpet.

“Arthur!”

“In here!” Her shoulders sagged in relief. She walked around the upturned table and peaked around the door frame to see Arthur on his knees rummaging through the cupboards underneath the sink.

_Oh this must be the kitchen_

“Thought I told you to wait outside.” He drawled. She leaned back against the door frame as Arthur shoved a tin can into his satchel. The cabin was obviously disserted, whoever had lived here were long gone. Or she at least hoped they were, else they were trespassing...and stealing.

“I know.” She pushed herself off the wall, fingers tapping lightly against her thigh.

_But you were taking too long and I was starting to worry_

Satisfied that Arthur was fine, the young woman walked past him and into the next room. A single bed was pushed up against the wall with a bedside table and in the far corner there was a cupboard. Curious, she opened one of the draws and found some clothes. She pulled out a red vest and pressed it close to her chest. It was definitely a man’s clothing; but she still tried it on. It fit nicely around her chest once she buttoned it, but instead of following the shape of her waist, it puffed out. She rummaged through the draws until she found a black leather belt. She wrapped it around her waist and adjusted it. Already she felt warmer and less exposed. She walked over to the bedside table and opened the draws; she found some petty cash and a health tonic which she stashed in her vest pockets. What had Arthur said earlier?

_To redistribute to folk who need it more than them now_

And God knows she needed the money. 

.

The air was a little chilly, but the clouds were parting for the sun and soon she could feel sweat gathering under her arms and at the back of her neck. Valentine was much busier than Strawberry, she observed as she leaned over the wooden paneling. Arthur had told her to wait outside with the horse while he re-stocked his supplies at the gunsmith...Arthur had also told her not to scratch if she started to get itchy.

_What Arthur doesn’t know won’t hurt him_

She pulled up her sleeve and let out a soft hiss as her nails dragged against her arm; providing temporary relief for her itchy skin. She heard the door open and close behind her-

And quickly pulled down her shirt sleeve and turned around, the motion causing her vision to blur slightly. She was expecting to see Arthur but came face to face with a nicely dressed woman. Oh. She smiled politely at the passing woman and began to scratch at the side of her cheek. She was hoping visiting Valentine would trigger her memories, but no matter how much she willed herself to remember, her mind went blank. She...she was starting to lose hope. She had the sudden urge to weep. Although crying would do nothing for her current situation, it was all she wanted to do. She had traveled to the closest towns in the area and _no one knew her_. She was in dept to Arthur. She owed Arthur her life. If Arthur hadn’t have found her, she would still be lost in the forest. Dying from starvation, dehydration or by a wild animal-

Deep in thought she didn’t realise he was standing in front her. She jumped, startled. She instantly dropped her hand and hid them both behind her back...and then proceeded to drag her nails across the red, irritated skin.

“I _told_ you not to scratch.” He drawled as he walked past her. She felt like he was asking for the impossible. The young woman made sure to walk behind him, or else he would see her scratching at her arm.

“How long will the rash last?” She hissed through clenched teeth.  

“Dunno...maybe a few days.” He said as he looked over his shoulder. She instantly stopped scratching and shoved her hands into her vest pockets; felt her fingers graze against something hard and round. Her steps faltered but Arthur continued to walk ahead of her. Her brows furrowed as she pulled out her hand and uncurled her fist to see some coins. 

_Oh it's the money from the cabin_

"Hey Arthur do you..." Her voice trailed off when she realised that he was no longer there. Her hand curled into a fist, the coins digging painfully into her palm. She noted that her hand shook from the strain. 

"Excuse me ma'am." She looked up, startled, as the strangers shoulder brushed against her arm and she quickly sidestepped out of his way. Her eyes quickly darted across the main street and saw that Arthur's horse was still tethered in front of the General Store. She ducked underneath the wooden paneling and stepped down onto the main road; her boots sinking into the mud. She spread her hands out in case she fell and needed to catch herself as she made her way towards the only thing she was familiar with; Arthur's horse. The cool breeze felt soothing on her burning cheeks and it suddenly dawned on her why everybody wore hats. The sun was very unforgiving here. She let out a sigh of relief once she stepped into the shade the building provided and peered into the General Store window. She peaked over her shoulder; when she still couldn't see Arthur, she decided she would have a look inside. A bell above her rang clearly and loudly when she opened the door. The man behind the cashier smiled at her but she noticed it faltered as he took in her appearance. 

"How can I assist you?" He drawled. Her skin itched and she started to scratch at her arm. 

"Oh...er, would you have something to relieve itchy skin?" He leaned back, away from her. "I accidentally touched some poison ivy." She was quick to reassure him. He pointed over her shoulder.

"We got ointment for that, there on the shelf." She turned around and picked the small tin container she guessed he had pointed out.

"This one?" 

"Yes ma'am." 

She walked back to the register and placed it on the counter.

"How much?" She was dreading the price.

"That'll be one dollar and seventy two cents." She hesitated. Really she should have given the money to Arthur, he had paid for her to see the doctor back in Strawberry but...but God she was so itchy and he had said this could last for _days_. She dropped the coins on the counter; one of the coins rolled close to the edge and she quickly pushed it back towards the cashier.

"Will this be enough?" He wore a small frown. She quickly pulled out the health tonic and placed it on the counter. "I'll even trade you this." 

"Sure. Thank you ma'am." She took the ointment and smiled politely at the cashier. 

"Thank you sir." She pretended to feign ignorance when the cashier pushed the coins into the cash register using a rolled up newspaper. Arthur had reassured her that the rash wasn't contagious, so he was either being cautious or very rude.

She felt something, possibly her resolve, snap. 

The four walls surrounding her felt like they were closing in on her; suffocating her. She let out a gasp as she stumbled out of the General Store and into an alley way. Her chest heaved and she loosened the belt around her waist with trembling fingers. Her eyes burned and when she blinked, warm liquid spilled over her lashes and ran down her cheeks. She swore under her breath as she fumbled with the lid. She felt her knees give out and she sat down in the mud as she unscrewed the lid and it instantly slipped through her shaking fingers. She tucked her legs close to her chest and balanced the cylinder container on her knees. She didn't even bother to wipe away the tears, instead she dipped her fingers into the white cream and  smeared it over her burning cheeks. 

She had imagined when she had arrived at Valentine that a woman or man would run up to her, crying and expressing relief that she had finally returned home. But that didn't happen and when those expectations she had imagined didn't become reality it was...soul crushing. The loneliness that she had tried to bury deep inside of her came back with a vengeance and it caused her heart to _ache._  She decided that she had to come to terms with the fact that maybe before her trauma she had always been alone. That her loved ones may already be dead. Maybe she had already grieved, but she couldn't help but grieve for them all over again. If only she knew. Then she could just accept it and possibly move on. But the unknown haunted her. And it would continue to haunt her until she remembered. 

"Hey, there you are." Arthur's voice came from behind her and she instantly stiffened. She hadn't even heard him approach her. She looked up at him, her vision blurred slightly from the tears. She blinked and Arthur came into focus. 

"What happened." His voice came out lower this time. She wanted to say everything, but instead said nothing. She lowered her gaze; pulling up her shirt sleeves and continued to rub cream onto her irritated skin. Arthur let out a heavy sigh as he sat down beside her; his shoulder brushing against hers.

"I told you, you'd be fine." He dipped his fingers into the container and rubbed the ointment onto her arm; his fingers kneading into her flesh. His fingers froze when they brushed over the bruising on her arm. Since she had drunken the health tonic he had given her, the young woman's arm didn't cause her pain anymore. 

"I don't feel fine." She bit out. She watched as the muscles in his hand twitch. 

"You will be sweetheart." He reassured her in that same soothing voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time writing in POV of Arthur Morgan, what do you guys think? I hope I stayed true to his character.  
> I also want to say thanks to everyone again for the name suggestions, especially to gargoylegirl <3  
> I really liked your idea of naming her after a plant.  
> Although it was originally going to be a flower, this idea kind of just came to mind *shrugs*

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcome x  
> I apologise for any grammar mistakes and will upload the next chapter when I can!


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